Steal of a Deal: Peter Pilotto for Target, now on SALE at Target.

Designer labels for Target can sell out pretty fast, if not completely, on the very day they’re released. I recall that when Missoni arrived, it might as well have been black Friday, for I found myself partaking in both a holiday and behavior that I swore I never would. Here are some tips and tricks to circumvent the mania-mob mentality, acquire your most coveted items, and leave the experience unscathed, without so much as a scratch to either your physical or mental state– not that you would get beaten up by others, although that is no doubt possible, but, more so, because you beat up yourself during your post factum examination of your in-store behavior (flashback to you and total stranger pulling clothes, and hair, over the last said designer dud– so what if it’s just a scrunchie, it’s BURBERRY for God’s sake!), only to come away from the experience with the shameful realization that “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on Jodi Arias.”
Tips to beating out the crowd for Target’s designer duds:
1) There’s the usual tactic: Get in line early and wait. Insert self-talk: “Get outta my way bitch that shoe is MINE. ok, you can have the left one but can I please have the right one? Ok you can have both, just don’t hurt me. No please don’t call security. Please?! Run.” Obviously I much prefer to avoid this scenario and…
2) Head to a Target in which the Target market/clientele has never heard of Missoni or Peter Pilotto (cuz I totally knew who he was before he came to Target). They are less likely to buy, much less be lined up and scratching on the door in anticipation of, your label obsessions on opening morning. As I am currently residing in Houston, I prefer Target’s Kemah location, and it’s down by the bay. It’s enormous and has only about 5 shoppers on-site at any given time, 1 of whom, is me.
3) Buy on-line. There’s nothing worse than having to get up early in the morning. If I have to go shopping at the crack of dawn, I much prefer to do so from the comforts of my most cherished possession, not counting my clothes– obviously those come first, my bed and accompanying pillows.
Follow these tips, and you won’t walk out of the store disappointed in either yourself of your lack of stuff. Moreover, it’s really important to set a good example for others: Take the opportunity to demonstrate both your skilled shopping habits and maturity (through your poise and good manners) when shopping in a) a store with no people (see #2, above) or b) a store with no people (#3, above). Put a lid on your crazy (by removing yourself from potential situations in which you might look bad) and continue to tell yourself you are a completely rational person. At all times. Because if I’ve learned one thing from society, it’s that it’s totally okay to be crazy. As long as nobody knows it.
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Houston Happenings

RACE YA THERE…photo-26

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For Your Consideration, The Earcuff

I personally have had just about all I can take of just about all jewelry right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been really into the minimalist look as of late and thus am happily wearing hardly any, or if I just overdid it in years past and needed a break; regardless, there are two jewelry movements this season I can get behind, stacked above-the-knuckle rings and the earcuff. Pastels are big this spring, and the earcuff is the perfect way to add a touch of edge to such a delicate palette of colors and textures. The softer, more willowy, more feminine the look, the more brilliant this pairing becomes… What it says: “Yeah, I’m aware that I’m wearing head-to-toe pink. And it’s totally okay because, see, I have this goth inspired, may-or-may-not resemble a bejeweled insect, thing coming out of my ear…” Think of it as Bluetooth inspired jewelry. Suddenly I don’t think I’m selling this very well. Whatever, promise I’m into it.

DIY Earcuff from http://www.honestlywtf.com

Emma Watson, I wish I got her hand-me-downs.

http://www.ireneccloset.com

Some even serve as hair pins, because any excuse will do. http://www.asos.com

Wear it with… more dainty ensembles and an easter egg color palette. March 2014 Vogue

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The Minimalist: HOW TO WEAR IT

First, let’s talk about what it is: Boxy shapes worn in black, white, or black and white. Black and white was big last spring and it’s BACK, again. Which is good because it makes transitioning from winter to spring fairly seamless. It’s also not too hard to pick out two colors in your pre-caffeine-fix-coffee IV-mess-of-yourself state in the morning.

Fashionfrixtion via Instagram & Armani http://www.armani.com

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My cute co-worker Devon in said minimalist attire showing us how to work said coffee maker…

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Second, here’s how to wear it:

1) Black and white is boring. BUT the reason this look isn’t is because it incorporates wearing cool SHAPES. The boxier/odder/more masculine the cut the better. Now is NOT the time to show off your figure– looking hot is never as intelligent, nor nearly as fun, as looking interesting (in a fashion forward way). Who cares if any of the males in your life understand what you have on. Just ignore them per usual.

2) DON’T approach this like trends past: don’t add a bunch of accessories, in fact, zero is a totally appropriate number.

3) DON’T add pops of color– unless you are a genius and you really know what you’re doing, but even then, I might refrain. It’s been done, and now it’s predictable.

4) Keep make-up to a minimum– no bright red lips with this look. It plays well with others, but not this one. This look works best with nude lips and a tan. If your DNA comes from the North Pole like mine, get a spray tan and be done with it.

$$$$: Tibi http://www.tibi.com

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$$: Zara http://www.zara.com

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$: Target http://www.target.com

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Christopher Lemaire’s Spring/Summer 2013 Collection, Images from Vogue Paris

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Slumber Party

How lingerie was appropriate in public before pajamas I know not– I don’t make the rules– I imagine some male or someone trying to please one probably did– whatever the reason for the delay, pajama dressing was totally worth the wait. How to wear it: Grab a pair of your grandfather’s slippers (that is sarcasm, please don’t do that) or something resembling them, a pair of his pajamas, your grandmother’s robe, and you’re good to go. The last few seasons have presented this look via mix-matched prints. This season’s twist continues the trend by adding more layers– this time with a morning coat.

And on that note… re: general fashion trends, where previous seasons suggested adding more accessories– to the point I often scolded my sister for sporting too much flare– this spring suggests you add more cloth: not the former layered look, but rather, longer hemlines on skirts and dresses (mid-shin), long sleeves, and shirts buttoned to the very top button. Being covered up is oh so chic. I expect headscarves are next.

Pajamas: Salua http://www.shopbop.com                    Shirt, Pants: Tibi http://www.tibi.com Vintage Kimono: The Guild Shop, Houston                   Shoes: Prada http://prada.com             Shoes: Jenni Kayne http://www.shopbop.com

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Photo by Griffith Greer

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Ankle-Highs

Soooo I recently found myself ordering a pair of women’s pantyhose ankle socks like my 80 year old babysitter used to wear. I decided I had to have them, like, right now. And when Amazon couldn’t hand them to me through my computer screen (when is Amazon gonna be more like pizza delivery? seriously what is taking them so long), I found myself in the Wal-Mart parking lot asking myself if going in there at midnight was really worth a pair of old lady pantyhose anklets. Of course it was. So here I am– wearing them with just about anything I can find, open-toed sandals included, and here is my fashion icon behind the look, my beloved Lillian Branch.

Photo by Griffith Greer.

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Tee: Victoria’s Secret http://www.victoriassecret.com

Sweater/Boots: Forever21 http://www.forever21.com

Pants, vintage: Bluebird Circle, Houston, Texas

Socks: L’eggs for Wal-Mart http://www.leggs.com

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BE SQUARE

So my favorite look of the season (yeah the one that’s almost over so I should probably comment on) is looking like a total square. It’s androgynous: boxy shoulders, flat-chested, no waist, unflattering lengths, minimal jewelry and make-up, and hair that has maybe been brushed but it doesn’t matter because it’s pulled back anyway– 1920′s rectangular shapes and mid-calf lengths (Downton Abbey) meet mod futuristic space clothes (Star Wars). This style can most prominently be seen on the runways of Alexander Wang, Tibi, and Zara (featured below). For the love of God, these are the most comfortable clothes I’ve worn in a while, with the exception of sweatpants and pajamas, which I’ve apparently taken to wearing in public on a regular basis: Unless I get an invitation, I’m not getting dressed.

Maybe the new style will be my saving grace, or maybe it means I have totally let myself go (whoops), or maybe it’s part of the latest surge in the feminist movement, which of course I am a part, so, and regardless, I for one am more than happy to rock my boyish figure. Whatever it is, I CAN’T WAIT to get dressed in the morning. Perhaps because I’m merely changing from one set of pajamas to another. I throw on the most oversized sweater and the most oversized skirt I can find and slip on my shiny patent-leather resembling flat boots because they are SHINY AND RESEMBLE PATENT LEATHER and think how pleased I am with myself that this outfit is totally acceptable, and I walk out the door. But mostly I am just relieved that I no longer have to fret over a before-my-time stroke because my skinny jeans cut off the circulation at my knees again. Suddenly frumpy looks like you actually did something with yourself. More good news: Pulling off this look is very simple. The most important question you should be asking yourself: “Does this make me look fat? Yes? Okay good.”

Photography: Lisa Televista

Skirt, boots, sweater, and dress, all Zara: http://www.zara.com

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Jacket: Grey Ant; Shorts: K2 (Hong Kong); Pants: Mossimo at Target, Boots: Zara DSC07956b* DSC07851* DSC07892a* IMG_0913 Boots, Coat: Tibi http://www.tibi.com

Looks from Zara: http://www.zara.com

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